


your teeth in my skin

by luchiden (orphan_account)



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: M/M, blood mention, i dont know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11988225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/luchiden
Summary: This is not a story that ends well (though it could have been.)





	your teeth in my skin

**Author's Note:**

> work title was "paradichlorobenzene" cos ya know.....vocaloid songs; this is definetely just a vent work

 

 

1.

 

If we're being honest (and we are, we are because this is the only time we can be) anger is a driving force.

Here's the time to ask why. You ask why is he angry but that's not the right question. You ask was he born with this anger? That's stupid, you should have known better than to ask something you know the answer to.

Correlation does not imply causation but it sure as hell makes it easier to live thinking that it does.

What's boiling inside of him will eventually overflow.

Now, the right question to ask is: Why does he think that he deserves it?

But that's not the question you're curious about. Don't worry. You'll know soon enough.

 

2.

 

Nagisa and Karma grow up on the same wobbly street, its sides paved unevenly, with cracks littering the roadway haphazardly. In all honestly, it looks like a painting of a perfect home drawn by the shaky hands of a four year old.

("hey, nagisa! you know this? they say that if you step on a crack your mother's spine will break!" karma laughs as if it's supposed to be funny.

and in a blurred out haze in the summer heat nagisa thinks it might be the best thing karma's said.)

Nagisa and Karma grow up, their houses so close that Nagisa feels like he can touch Karma if he only extends a hand across his window.

His mother slaps it away before it reaches so he's yet to find out what that feels, though.

Plus, it doesn't matter. Karma's never home these days. There's a metaphor here to be taken note of but he feels he doesn't want to know about it.

 

3.

 

It's all about contrast - Nagisa is warm and Karma is not. Nagisa is everything that Karma wanted to be. Nagisa is the only good he wouldn't want to break.

(And sometimes, Nagisa disappears.)

Sometimes he is there and sometimes he is nowhere to be found and Karma always wondered what was it that made him run away. Was it red, like Karma's demons were? Was it screaming, trashing, so loud he feels like it would pop his eardrums, like the pressure would deafen him, blood dripping down his cheeks.

"Hey, Nagisa." He whispers, so close it ruffles the sides of Nagisa's hair and Nagisa turns his head and smiles.

Karma is positively stupid. Or maybe, rather than stupid, he is just no good at figuring things out. That makes him mad, sometimes. Makes him wild, makes him ready to break his own knuckles punching the old walls in his old house. He's stupid and he doesn't know how to fix himself up - maybe he was predestined to live and die like that. Karma doesn't know many things but from all he does there is this: Nagisa's always wanted to be a hero.

"Hey, Nagisa." He shouts and Nagisa's shoulders tremble until he's ready to cry. He's still smiling and it's fucking terrifying. "Why won't you save me?"

And Karma is slow on the uptake, sure, but this, he knows - there's no saving him.

 

3.

 

Karma is seventeen when he ruins himself, falls apart like a sand castle. Nagisa is, of course, there to build him up again. That's what he hates, truly. He hates himself, for he is not good enough for the only person he does not hate. Karma laughs open-mouthedly, as if trying to swallow the moon, because, well.

Only anger, until you punch him in the face and make him taste the back of his own teeth. Only anger, until you chip off the first layer and then, anything else.

 

4.

 

"Karma, why do you do this to yourself?"

Nagisa is worried, but then again, Nagisa is always worried. There are times when Karma just wants to give in, let himself sink into the warmth that Nagisa seems so ready to give him. He knows, though, once that happens, he will cease to exist. He doesn't understand what this means but it seems his reason for existing is breaking himself apart. Because there's nothing wrong with him, yet his insides are full of holes that open up more and more.

"I never do _anything_ out of the ordinary." He says, his eyes stone cold on Nagisa's but Nagisa doesn't flinch.

"You're not in your right mind." You _are_ insane.

"Shut up, Nagisa." Karma breathes out. "You're wrong."

_You're wrong. I'm right._

(And even if it's the other way around, there's nobody to judge him for it.)

 

5.

 

Nagisa is good, but.

(Because there's always something else, nothing is black, nothing is white. Every rule has it's exception. Karma is one such because Karma is _nothing_.)

But.

Nagisa is good but he cries easily, oh, so easily, because he is soft and Karma feels like if he touched him he would disappear inside him. And Nagisa is not strong enough to say 'No' like Karma can. He can only watch, can only disappear, when his mother slaps him across the face and he bites his own tongue and he dares not scream. His mother screams enough for both of them anyway.

And Karma kisses him, lips split open, blood pouring down their chins and Karma can be ugly for Nagisa, if Nagisa wants to feel pretty. Karma can be raw, can bare himself the way he is.

Karma doesn't care anymore, he supposes. He doesn't care.

"You know, Karma," Nagisa slumps against him, body going limp, and Karma holds him in his arms as if he's holding the weight of the world. "I wouldn't leave you. I know you worry about that a lot. I've known you my whole life, it's like you've grown _into_ me."

The only thing this means is - Karma has found a way to soil the only thing he didn't want to.

 

6.

 

The sky is bleak, dark, cold, out. Karma can't make out colors and he feels there my be none at all. It is a cold November day (it might be night, though. this fucking fog is too hard to see through.) when he wobbles down to Nagisa's house, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead.

It is a cold November night and they both realize nothing changes and nothing ever will for them, Karma's back against the brick wall of Nagisa's house because that's the only kind of support he's ever known.

(And Nagisa falls on his knees, holding Karma's hands in his own, and Karma says 'i don't understand'. Not that it matters, though. It will be forgotten in a minute or so.)

Of course, he doesn't understand. Nagisa kisses the space right under the corner of his eye but well. He's not here. Maybe he never was.

Karma doesn't care _anyway_. Nagisa was always just his last redeeming act.

**Author's Note:**

> unfortunately, i might be orphaning all of my works in the assassination classroom fandom. as of now all of the works i'm publishing are pulled out from my deepest drafts cos it would be sad to never ever publish them. a thank u to the anime for providing me with inspiration when i felt like i didn't want to write anything again, ever.


End file.
